Last month Worzel and I went to a party where the theme for the day was ‘Parents Day’. Since I am a Schoolie (person who loves to be a school girl/boy) this really appealed to me, especially since I attend every party in my school uniform.
I wasn’t sure what the other Schoolies would be doing for ‘Parents Day’ so I decided to do a school report that I would had to Worzel as he is my Guardian (not parent) when we do school like things.
It’s made up of genuine reports that I received over my secondary/High school years. Most of the teachers names are the same but some are obviously made up as is the name of the school, but the teachers comments are true!
Bet you can’t guess which teachers have their real names and which are fake!
Student name: Jay Walker
House master: Mr Fingerham
Math – Mr P.Freely
Walker maintains her grade just enough to avoid failing. She regularly disrupts the class with pranks and has become well acquainted with the corridor wall. Walker needs to show some real effort and stop playing the fool.
English – Mr B.I.Nightly
Jay is a wonderful member of the class. Her homework is always completed to the best of her ability and regularly handed in before time. There are still some problems with spelling, grammar and punctuation but Jay is determined to overcome these. Jay still will not participate in reading aloud but as this is not a large problem I see no reason to force the issue. Overall Jay’s performance and work are of a high standard.
Physics – Mrs D. Kanes
Walker is a non-entity. I saw Walker for the first lesson of the year and have not seen her since.
Chemistry – Mr R.J.Cracklow
Walker is one of the most disruptive, foul-mouthed and wilfully disobedient pupils I have ever had the misfortune to teach. Walker delights in pyromania and enjoys nothing more than seeing which chemicals will ignite the bench fastest. If this were not a core subject I would delight in banning her from my classroom.
Biology – Mrs W. Warden
Walker is a very helpful and studious member of the class. She clearly enjoys the subject and this shows in her performance.
Physical Education – Ms J. Greene, Mr S. Tuff
Walker shows no interest in P.E and for this we are grateful. Walker’s temper is not suited to team sports as was demonstrated at sports day when she hit a member of her team with the Softball bat. She rarely attends class and when she does she does not participate.
Music – Mr G. Stringer
Despite a rocky start to the year Jay has found her forte in the subject. Preferring to play to her own tune Jay is an interesting member of the class.
Jay is a valued member of the choir and has been instrumental in representing the school.
Jay can be regularly found sneaking into the school hall to tinkle the ivory’s of the school grand, and while this is not permitted I see no reason to inhibit her obvious pleasure.
Food Technology – Mrs B. Wilkes
Walker is excluded from this class.
Drama- Mrs P. Griffin
Walker is a quiet member of the class. Walker needs to participate more and learn her lines. Walker is adept at Improvisations but her script work needs to be polished.
Information Technology – Mrs D. Rawlings
This student is only a name on the register; I have yet to see if he exists. I should like to meet the young man if only to put a face to a name.
Geography – Mr A. Tlas
Walker could use a map as she does not seem to know where this class is.
Woodwork/Textiles – Mr P. Woodcroft
Walker is a quiet member of the class. She works well on her own and produces a good standard of work.
Religious Education – Rev. Rentbouy
Walker shows nothing but contempt for myself and this subject. I would like to remind you that ‘exemption from class’ notes do not automatically exclude your ward from my class, even if she is a practicing Voodoo Shaman she still has to attend.
Head of House notes:
Walker is a half and half.
She can behave when she wants but more often than not she chooses not to. She is often violent in her retaliations and her choice of language is deplorable.
Walker’s pranks, while harmless are disruptive and irritating.
Walker seems to delight in loss of House points and is currently the record holder for detentions, tardy slips and visit’s to the Headmaster’s study.
It is a shame that there is not an equivalent to the American Military Academy over here, I feel that Walker would benefit greatly from that kind of environment especially with her love of projectile inventions.
Walker needs to change her attitude and behaviour if she wishes to continue her education at Beltbaums.
So that’s the report I gave to Worzel at ‘Parents Day’ and I would bet that most of you wouldn’t be surprised to learn that I got something like 18-24 strokes of the cane for it.